When I Grow Up

Today is the last, full day on campus of my Junior year.  JUNIOR YEAR. Holy Spanish Jesus seven day candle. All of a sudden, not only am I an upperclassman, but I am now going to be a Senior. Not just a Senior - but a senior who is a member of APO, a poet, feminist, cast in a mainstage, actor-combatant Senior. In short, exactly who high school/freshman/underclassman Shelby always wanted to be.

I try to think that I can't possibly be old or mature enough to be all of those things and  then I remember - yep, 

• I'm twenty-one and have legally bought alcohol in my fridge right now. 
• And that I have the down payment for my apartment next year. 
• That I probably will be applying for full-time jobs in New York City next year 
• (or even have one by then!). 
• I'll be graduating college in a year.

Another new thing in my life? Matilda the musical. Ten year old me would have OWNED that role. It was one of my favorite books as a kid. I guess that's out of my age range though, as young as I can play - all I can hope for now is to someday play Miss Honey. Me and my roommate Jess love driving around in her car Florence and blaring "When I Grow Up".

And when I grow up,
I will eat sweets every day,
On the way to work, and I will
Go to bed late every night.
And I will wake up
When the sun comes up, and I
Will watch cartoons until my eyes go square,
And I won't care 'cause I'll be all grown up.

That sounds exactly like college. Does that mean I'm grown up? Really, actually a grown-up? Is that the definition I'm looking for? I was offered a scholarship to take a fantastic workshop this summer and I had to turn it down because of grown-up reasons of money and the what-ifs. I fell in love and let him go because he got the "what-will" and I'm still holding out for a "what-if" post-graduation, when we wind up in the city together then. Being unemployed, about to move back home with my parents, on the verge of another wave of depression from being unemployed and living in a town that made me miserable and allergic for eighteen years and the summer after freshman year; it doesn't make me feel very grown-up.

 I will be strong enough to carry all
The heavy things you have to haul
Around with you when you're a grown up.

 I know I'm not incredibly talented. I don't have enough training. My resume's still sparse and I don't have a job for this summer either to help bulk it up a bit. This past semester in particular has been all of my flaws and bad quirks slapped in my face. I've never been in love with someone. I'm not very comfortable or okay with the fact that in a year, I have to grow up from being the college theatre dork, get a real job and be that sort of grown-up. 

Then again, I'm also now certified to play with swords and sticks, beat people up and I can read my future so I guess I can be brave if I know how to defend myself from what's coming up and coming up fast.

When I grow up 
I will be brave enough to fight the creatures
That you have to fight beneath the bed
Each night to be a grown up.

 And look at my goals! 

I kicked ass auditioning I suppose, considering I was cast in Stop the World, I Want to Get Off! I didn't end up joining the Improv group but I did learn some improv skills thanks to the ULCT. I'll keep these goal for next year and hopefully, I'll be cast in Rent, The Shape of Things and The Comedy of Errors. I became a full-fledged poet, started a webseries that may never be finished...and STAGE COMBAT. 

How the hell did I become an Actor-Combatant and dual-minoring in Combat Movement in a year? It seems that from the moment I stepped on campus, that was something I set out to do: TCA, the dance classes, Voice and Movement, workshops, working with Prof. Terry and Prof. Steve...I am really proud of doing stage combat, more than anything else except for maybe Stop the World this year. I'm not done with it yet though - I have another year's worth of work to do before I graduate with that minor and to get my Rec passes in Unarmed, Quarterstaff and Broadsword (also, rapier & dagger?).

the Junior class...

 Just because you find that life's not fair, it
Doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it.
If you always take it on the chin and wear it, nothing will change.
Just because I find myself in this story,
It doesn't mean that everything is written for me.
If I think the ending is fixed already,
I might as well be saying I think that it's OK,
And that's not right!

I think I have you fast

 SAFD QUARTERSTAFF AND SINGLE SWORD SPT FIGHTS

enter JOAN LA PUCELLE fighting hand to hand with YORK. JOAN LA PUCELLE is taken. The French fly.      WE RUN IN, COUNTER OFF

YORK
    Damsel of France, I think I have you fast:
    Unchain your spirits now with spelling charms
    And try if they can gain your liberty.
    A goodly prize, fit for the devil’s grace!
    See, how the ugly wench doth bend her brows,
    As if with Circe she would change my shape!

JOAN LA PUCELLE
    Changed to a worser shape thou canst not be.

1 4 4 1, 6 7 8, 5 6 7 8, PARRY 4 SHOULDER STRIKE

YORK
    O, Charles the Dauphin is a proper man;
    No shape but his can please your dainty eye.

DUCK, CROISSE 3, BACKSPIN 3 1, 4 5 2 2 3, 3 4 5 HELICOPTER 1 BIND STOMACH STRIKE

JOAN LA PUCELLE
    A plaguing mischief light on Charles and thee!
    And may ye both be suddenly surprised
    By bloody hands, in sleeping on your beds!

YORK
    Fell banning hag, enchantress, hold thy tongue!

HEAD SWING, UPSKATE 4, HEAD STRIKE, LOOSE STICK
DUCK, GRAB STICK, STRUGGLE STRUGGLE BACKFLIP SPIN, ROUNDHOUSE KICK, LOSE STICK AGAIN

JOAN LA PUCELLE
    I prithee, give me leave to curse awhile.

YORK
          Curse, miscreant, when thou comest to the stake.

DUCK, ROLL, PICK UP STICK 1, 3 THRUST 4 ENVELOPPE
PARRY 4, CUT 8 BIND, STOMACH HIT, DISARM, STICK DOWN
HEAD HIT, GROIN HIT or WINDSHIELD STRIKE, PARTNER DOWN.

EXEUNT


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PARTNER ENTERS. ENTER FROM OTHER SIDE, DOOR SHUTS BEHIND ME.
WE FACE OFF.

 Sabine

It's over, Milady. Throw down your weapon and come with me, and maybe I'll overlook the whole you-tried-to-kill-me-and-my-brother thing.

Milady

Aren't you precious. Get out of my way.

Sabine

The boys are outside. You're not going anywhere.

BOLESTRA, FEINT 5, BEAT 2

SKATE 4, BACKHAND BELLY SWIPE

PARRY 1, BIND

Milady

Disappointing.

Sabine

Go to hell!

CUT TO 2, DISENGAGE, PISTON, CROISSE, BEAT 3, COUNTER OFF

Milady

You go first. If it looks pleasant, I'll follow.

2, 3, 4, 5a, PUNTO 2 (CIRCLING), BIND, 5  (DIALOGUE DURING)

Sabine

 Tell me where Constance is.

PUNTO 2, CHOKEHOLD

Milady

Pious little thing that she was, I would guess she's being fitted for her wings.

ELBOW, BACKFIST

DUCK, KICK, ROLL

RUNNING, AVOID RIGHT, COUNTER OFF

Milady

You should have stayed on your knees with the priest. Or sent your brother instead.

BEAT 3, COUPE 3, SCISSOR, HAND BEATS, CENTER BEAT

Sabine

Leave Aramis and D'artagnan out of this!

CENTER FEINT, CUT TO 3

GLISSSADO TO 2

SHOVE, BACKHAND BELLY SWIPE, UPSKATE 4

CUT TO 1, BIND, POMMEL HIT, 3

DISARM, DROP SWORD

CUT TO 4, ARM GRAB, BREAK ARM, DISARM

Sabine

That's for trying to kill my brother.

CUT TO 4, DISARM, FALL. TEMPT WITH SWORD, SWORD TO THROAT. HAIR GRAB, STAB, DIE. or THROW ARM BACK, STOMACH STAB, PULL SWORD.

Sabine

And that's for Constance!

DIE. PARTNER LAYS DOWN SWORD, RUNS OFF.  

Marry the Man Today

We had to present a fight scene today: me and Taylor were up for swords and it was pretty shitty.

We were missing each other's swords and moves we had never failed before. When we were done, Prof. Steve looked to us and "You guys might pass - what's wrong here is there's no partnering." 

In Stage Combat, a partner is everything. You really can't beat yourself up onstage - you need someone you trust. In my classes, I've worked with most of my peers and I can tell you instantly the ones I would never work with again because either I hated their work ethic or because we had opposing energy. Then there are people I've enjoyed working with, whom I wouldn't have thought to work with probably. And, there are certain people who are my everything.

They inspire, encourage, bring out the best and worst in me. They are ones who I click with instinctively. Sullivan is one such person. Jess and Kearsten, my roommates. 

In fact, until last year, I had no concept of what a partner could mean. Relationships were never my strong suit. In high school and during freshman year, my acting ability solely relied on myself to carry a scene or monologue. It took Prof. Terry's exercises: the memory hug, the contact improv dancing for me to realize what a difference dancing with someone like Steve, or Sarah and Mary could make for me. 

Brian is another one of those people. I met Brian during my freshman year, when he was a senior and president of TCA. He was the one who taught me to pick a broadsword and quarterstaff. Now that he's back and helping assist Prof. Steve, he is also my quarterstaff partner. Working with Brian allows me no fear, because I trust him. He doesn't fear my aggression. We can explore and play with different ideas, try new moves out and we keep up with each other while also challenging one another. In that regard, we are ideal partners for combat and I feel incredibly happy to have more fight opportunities with Brian after all this time.

I trust Brian. Working with Lisa last semester was a nightmare because I did not trust her. We might have been similar height or even skill, but without partnership, I was scared out there onstage. 

Stage Combat is all about making your partner look good and dammit, I'm going to make Taylor look beautiful out there.

• I met Taylor during freshman year 
• but I only got to really know her during Scene Study last year. 
• Then this year, we've been joined at the hip: Prof. Terry's class, 
• Theatre History, 
• Stage Combat, 
• Musical Theatre...

When we were doing Confessions, Taylor and I ended up with each other's. In Musical Theatre, we are duet partners for our performance final, the Adelaide and Sarah Brown of Guys and Dolls, "Marry the Man Today". And now, we are doing our sword fight scene, The Three Musketeers. Taylor is going to keep me alive out there on the stage if we are singing and if we're sword-fighting, she will kill me. I trust her to do both. We've got some work to do, but I trust her and here I am, throwing down my sword and voice for her.